Introverts – Alone Time Will Keep Us Happy And Sane
Introverts are on a continuum, with extroverts at the opposing end. Therefore, there are various degrees of introversion. However, no matter where they fall on this continuum, they all have needs that keep them grounded, happy, and sane. Let’s take a look at some of those needs.
Introverts Need Alone Time
Introverts need alone time at the end of the day to unwind and process the day’s happenings. Replaying events and conversations in their minds helps them decide how they feel. They need to determine whether the day ended satisfactorily or if there is unfinished business. The process is like a computer doing a daily backup.
Alone time is much preferable to being around large groups of people. While extroverts find energy in large-group interactions, introverts find their energy draining in these situations. Being by yourself allows self-reflection and concentration on yourself and your interests and needs. It doesn’t mean that they need to be alone all the time. It just means that some alone time is necessary.
I remember in my younger days being at parties or other functions where people were drinking alcohol. I don’t drink alcohol at all for personal reasons. That’s all anyone needs to know. However, again and again, at these types of get-togethers, others would assume that I was anti-social or that I was unable to enjoy myself unless I was well on the way to being wasted, as most of them were. That type of interaction did not, and still does not, interest me at all.
Aversion to Small Talk
I don’t particularly like going out with friends of friends or people I have never met unless I know we have some interests in common. I’ve never seen a value in small talk. I don’t care about a stranger’s analysis of the local weather, their favourite sports figure, or their politics. It’s not interesting to me. I have better things to do or think about.
Have you ever known someone who wanted to tell you their life story the first time you met them? What’s up with that? It’s like they have no boundaries. And that leaves us nothing to talk about the next time we meet if there is to be a next time. Again, I don’t care! If you think my attitude makes me anti-social, then so be it. Perhaps our idea of what it means to be sociable is not compatible.
Introverts Don’t Like to be the Center of Attention
I’m sure you’ve all been in some meeting or course where the person in charge says, “Okay, let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves to the group.” “Sure, let’s do that,” I say sarcastically but quietly to myself. When it comes to my turn, I say, “My name is Craig.” The facilitator asks, “Is there anything else you want to tell us about yourself, Craig?” I reply, “No, thank you.” while thinking to myself, “Time to move along now.”
Several years ago, a work friend asked me if I would be the MC (Master of Ceremony) at her upcoming wedding reception. I was both surprised and honoured, so I said yes. Almost immediately, I’m asking myself, “Why did you say yes? What’s wrong with you?” What’s wrong with me, indeed? I spent the next six weeks or so worrying about the situation, and yes, it was as bad as I anticipated. I was shaking like a leaf in a windstorm for the entire ten minutes.
That story reminds me of a similar situation many years ago. My cousin was getting married. When her older sister got married, their uncle sang “How Great Thou Art” at the church service. So now she’s getting married and asked me to sing “Just a Closer Walk with Thee” at the church service. Of course, I couldn’t say no. It was another uncomfortable situation, with her uncle sitting behind me and giving me dirty looks.
Introverts Are Detail-Oriented
Introverts tend to see things that others don’t. I’m not talking about the paranormal or things that aren’t there. Introverts are more observant than most. They see the details in things. Many people see the whole picture because that’s all they need to see to understand the situation on a fundamental level. But introverts need the detail to make sense of it all. After all, details are essential to the overall picture.
Similarly, many introverts are perfectionists. Now, let’s not confuse the term perfect with a perfectionist. Perfectionists strive to be perfect, a state seldom achievable. Therefore, procrastination is also a trait of many introverts. They get so caught up in the planning and details of a project that the project may never see completion.
Introverts Need Little External Stimulation
Introverts spend most of their time in their own heads. Their minds are always working. They are reliving the past or planning the future. The now will take care of itself. They’re thinking about interactions in the past, what they should have said, but now it’s too late, and what they will say next time. It’s an ongoing drama or melodrama.
They also create their own humour. Due to details that others may miss, they find humour in things that may seem unusual or even bizarre to others.
Many Are Known to be Good Listeners
Many people listen only to form a response. To communicate honestly, you must hear what the other person is saying. Not everyone understands the importance of this. Many introverts possess this skill because they don’t have the overwhelming need to jump into the conversation. You can discover a lot about people by just listening; I mean really listening to them.
I have done many things in my lifetime where listening and paying attention were necessary. This kind of listening is essential in teaching English in a foreign country. I had to be aware of the students’ feelings and reactions verbally and through their body language. When bargaining for the Union, I had to be mindful of what my coworkers needed to feel successful. I even read between the lines of what the Employer was telling us, as they often left out pertinent details. When listening to clients who came to me as a counsellor, I had to listen carefully to determine the underlying cause of their distress.
Few Friends But Many Acquaintances
Introverts choose their friends carefully. They don’t make close friends easily because they have limited energy for the outside world. However, they have many acquaintances. They don’t usually get involved in other people’s business and mostly stay in the background, so they can know many people without getting intimately involved. And that is enough.
People-Watching
I like watching people very much. I find it entertaining. It may be because everyone is unique. I like watching for idiosyncracies and observing their language, especially words or phrases they use repeatedly. It’s great as long as they don’t try to get too close to me.
A few months ago, I was sitting in McDonald’s having breakfast. A man about my age was sitting across the counter from me. He started talking, and I started listening. He told me that his wife had passed away several months ago, and he was having trouble dealing with it. I listened and empathized. But then he asked me if I wanted to exchange phone numbers. To me, that’s a red flag coming from a stranger. I had to find a polite way to tell him I wasn’t interested. I’ve always said that your problems become lighter if you share them with someone else. It might sound cold, but I didn’t feel the need to share this stranger’s problems.
The Mind Never Stops Talking
An introvert’s mind never stops thinking or talking. It just keeps going 24 hours a day. Sometimes, it’s difficult to sleep because it just won’t stop. “Will you shut up! I’m trying to go to sleep!” But it just keeps going: thinking about something that happened years before or something that might happen next month. “Please finish the backup and shut the computer down so I can get some sleep.
The above essay is for entertainment and English language study only. For suggestions on how to use this post to improve your English reading and listening comprehension, click here.
Vocabulary
- introvert – noun; a person predominantly concerned with his or her own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things; a person who needs alone time
- continuum – noun; anything seen having a continuous structure without perceptibly distinct parts; gradual changes
- extrovert – noun; a person whose thoughts and interests are predominantly concerned with things outside the self; a person who enjoys time with other people
- anti-social – adjective; not sociable; unfriendly towards others; unfriendly
- wasted – adjective; intoxicated by alcohol or drugs; very drunk or high (in this context)
- small talk – noun; light social conversation; topics of conversation when you first meet someone
- sarcastically – adverb; bitter or wounding, esp. ironic remarks; said in a way that mocks the situation
- facilitator – noun; a person who, as part of a group, encourages discussion; the leader or one who organizes usually an educational session
- paranormal – adjective; designating, pertaining to, or involving phenomena or powers such as telekinesis, clairvoyance, etc.; things that can’t be explained by modern science
- fundamental – adjective; of, affecting, or serving as a base or foundation, essential, primary, original; the obvious of a thing or situation
- perfectionist – noun; one who subscribes to the uncompromising pursuit of perfection; a person who wants everything to be perfect
- procrastination – noun; the delay or postponing of action; the act of putting off until tomorrow what should be done today
- melodrama – noun; a sensational dramatic piece with crude appeals to the emotions and usu. a happy ending; emotional and exaggerated drama
- pertinent – adjective; relevant to the matter in hand; important details (in this context)
- idiosyncracies – plural noun; a person’s particular ways of thinking, behaving etc., that is clearly different from that of others; unusual things that people believe, say, or do
- empathized – verb (empathize); exercise empathy; to listen carefully and really understand what a person is saying
Comprehension Questions
- Do you prefer alone time rather than being with large groups of people?
Yes or No - Do you think small talk is a waste of time?
Yes or No - Do you dislike being the center of attention?
Yes or No - Would you enjoy singing solo in church?
Yes or No - Are you a perfectionist?
Yes or No - Are you a procrastinator
Yes or No - Are you a good listener?
Yes or No - Do you have only a few close friends?
Yes or No - Do you enjoy watching people?
Yes or No - When you go to bed, does your mind keep going, making it difficult to sleep?
Yes or No
Resources
And Now For Your Listening Enjoyment
Here is a song with lyrics that fit the subject matter and mood of the above essay very nicely: Green Day’s 2004 recording of “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”.
Lyrics
"Boulevard of Broken Dreams"
Recorded by Green Day (2004)
Lyrics by Billie Joe Armstrong
Music by Green Day
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me, and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one, and I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk a-
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes, I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then, I walk alone
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the borderline
Of the edge, and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up, and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive, and I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk alone
I walk alone, I walk a-
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes, I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then, I walk alone
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah, I walk alone, I walk a-
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one, and I walk a-
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes, I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then, I walk alone
