Traffic – It’s Amazing That Guy Even Got a Licence

Traffic these days is horrible. I used to enjoy driving. On the way to work early in the morning, it was just me and my thoughts. No distractions. Or a Sunday drive with my family was always good for a relaxing afternoon. But driving is no longer relaxing. Of course, I’m older now, but the roads seem much more dangerous than they used to be.

Why Put Your Trust in Strangers?

There aren’t many situations in life where we put our very lives in the hands of strangers. There are only a few that come to mind quickly.

Every time you hit the road, you put your life in the hands of any and every yahoo within spitting distance. You don’t know these people. Why should you trust them? Are they paying attention? Are they impaired? Do they even have a driver’s licence? Who knows? You certainly don’t. But you have no choice. You have to share the roads with them whether you like it or not.

Distracted Drivers

I have seen many unusual things in my years of driving, from a man eating cornflakes in the morning rush traffic while driving with his elbows on the steering wheel to a woman looking in the rearview mirror putting on her makeup. But the saddest thing I’ve ever seen was a car stopped in the middle of the road going up Snake Hill in Coquitlam with the female driver repeatedly kicking her male companion’s head into the passenger window. Well, at least she stopped driving first.

But now, distracted driving has hit a new dangerous extreme. Almost every day, I see someone driving down the freeway talking on their cell phone, which can be hazardous enough, but then there are the idiots who think they have the physical and mental agility to text while driving. Nope, you don’t. However, it seems a little hypocritical when it’s legal for cops to look at their computers while driving. The argument is that they have training to be able to do that. Yeah, right!

Drag Racing in the Traffic

Freeways are the worst and can be a problem at any time of the day or night. In rush traffic, you’re often just crawling. But the real fun begins in the late evening.

Every road has a posted speed limit, at least in any country I’ve ever been. But really, most people don’t give a rat’s ass about speed limits unless they see a cop in their rearview mirror. Then everyone drives like a little old granny.

The posted speed limit on the freeway I travel is 90 km/hr (56 m/hr for those who are metrically challenged). That’s relatively slow compared to some freeways until someone passes you on the right at about 150 (93 m/hr) with his buddy following behind, apparently drag racing. It is a problem that these two vehicles are weaving in and out of traffic and endangering everyone on the road. But not a cop in sight!

King or Queen of the Road

Have you ever noticed that more than a few drivers think the Department of Highways built the roads just for them and all other drivers are just mere inconveniences? One thing that makes me angry is when someone is tailgating me. I usually do just a little over the speed limit, but that’s not fast enough for the dude or dudette behind me. Where they are going is much more important than where I’m going (sarcasm, in case you missed it).

Tailgating makes me angry because I frequently see accidents on the freeway caused by someone, or several someones, tailgating. When I first learned to drive many years ago, Canada still used the imperial measurement system. When driving on the freeway, we were taught to leave at least one car length between you and the car in front of you for each 10 m/hr of speed you are travelling. That would allow you enough stopping distance if the driver in front had to slam on the brakes.

So, back to what I do when someone tailgates me. First, I put on my four-way flashers, hoping they would notice and take the hint. I slow down if that doesn’t work, forcing them to pass me. Now, they’re someone else’s problem.

There is a third way, which I certainly wouldn’t recommend. A friend of mine told me someone was tailgating him on the freeway. So, he slammed on his brakes without notice, almost causing the guy to go into the ditch. The guy was so angry that he followed my friend most of the way home. However, he finally gave up because it was too far, and what would he do anyway?

Unaware Pedestrians in the Traffic

Pedestrians seem unaware they will come out as the losers if they physically interact with my Grand Caravan. Don’t get me wrong. Where I live, pedestrians have the right-of-way, and so they should. However, with that right-of-way comes responsibility. Pay attention to what’s going on around you!

Most of this seems like common sense, but not to everyone. In urban areas, only cross the street at marked crosswalks. They are there for your safety. Recently, I saw a man crossing the road with his young daughter about 10 meters from the marked crosswalk in front of the library. Way to teach your kid about road safety, Buddy! 

Make eye contact with the vehicle’s driver, even at a marked crosswalk, to ensure they see you. Remember that driving requires much more attention and awareness of surroundings than walking. So, take responsibility for your own safety. It’s the least you can do.

Cell Phones and Pedestrians

A new problem has developed with pedestrians in the traffic. I recently saw an article which referred to them as smartphone zombies. Catchy and very descriptive. Cell phone addiction has become pervasive in our society, and nowhere is it more dangerous than walking down the street or in traffic.

I have seen videos of men and women, old and young, who were so busy on their cell phones that they walked into other people, lampposts, or trash cans. It’s pretty sad, but you can’t help but laugh unless you’re one of them.

Smartphone zombies become much more dangerous to themselves and others when they take their addiction into the traffic. I recently saw a young woman running up to a crosswalk because the light was about to change. She barely made it, and as soon as she stepped into the crosswalk, out came her phone. For some reason, people have a false sense of safety in a crosswalk.

When my two daughters were young and got their first cell phones, I warned them that if I saw them walking across a street while looking at their phones, I would take them away for a month. To the best of my knowledge, they never did. Every day, I see people of all ages crossing the street while looking at their phones. What could be that important that it can’t wait 20 seconds or so to get to the other side?

I’m Not Without Fault in the Traffic

I try to avoid distractions while driving because you should not try to multitask in traffic. Too many things can happen. So, you must focus exclusively on the road and what’s happening around you. However, I remember three times when I was at fault in traffic situations. There may be more, but we’re not here to dwell on my transgressions in the traffic.

Speeding Along by the River – No Traffic

In my early 20s, I played in a rock band. We practiced every Tuesday evening, and I had to drive alongside the Fraser River to get to practice. Going along this one Tuesday, I noticed a car gradually gaining on me. Finally, it happened. It was a flashing red light with a cop attached.

He pulled me over and said, “I’ve been following you for about five miles.” (This was before Canada became metric.) I asked, “Why didn’t you pull me over sooner?” He replied, “Because I couldn’t catch you. What the hell do you think you’re doing? I’ve scraped a few young punks off telephone poles along this stretch of road.”

Sometime later, I drove that route along the river during the day. It scared the hell out of me. I had no idea how curved and dangerous the road was.

Typical Halloween Night

It was Halloween night, 1991. I was working the 6 p.m. shift at a casino in Burnaby. This year, we were allowed to dress up, and I was going as Count Dracula, complete with fake fangs and blood capsules in my mouth to scare the ladies. It was a typical Halloween night here, dark and pouring rain.

I was driving along, adjusting my fangs in the rearview mirror: crash, a multi-car pile-up with me at the end of the line. As far as I know, no one was seriously injured because the traffic was moving slowly due to the rain. Firefighters were first to the scene, and they were checking every vehicle.

When one of them got to me, he asked, “Are you okay?” I answered, “Yes, I’m fine.” “But your eyes are black, and blood is running down your chin.” “Only makeup, Sir. Only makeup.”

He then told me that he’s prepared for anything on Halloween because a few years previous, he had to drag a big, dead bear out of a vehicle.

I’m Really Sorry, Winnie

This episode is the last of my trilogy. I was driving the van with my family in tow, out shopping. I came to the intersection with my signal light on to turn left and no traffic around. At the last second, I decided to turn right instead and proceeded to do so. Crash right into the driver’s door of a small car.

Out gets a young man and presumably his mother. No one seemed hurt, but we exchanged documents to report the accident, which was ultimately my fault for not looking. However, in my defence, there wasn’t a lane where this little car was sitting.

So, back to the documents. I looked at the young guy’s driver’s licence and was shocked when I saw the name. Christopher Robin! Oh, my God, I could have killed Christopher Robin! My sincere and deepest apologies to Winnie the Pooh. I also apologize to my dear readers, who may not know who Winnie the Pooh or Christopher Robin are. Stay tuned. I will discuss them in a future essay.

And Now For Your Listening Enjoyment

To challenge your listening ability, here is Hot Rod Lincoln by Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen, recorded in 1972. Don’t be concerned. This one is even too fast for me. Here is Hot Rod Lincoln with the lyrics on the screen.

The above essay is for entertainment and English language study only. For suggestions on how to use this post to improve your English reading and listening comprehension, click here.

Vocabulary

• yahoo – noun; a course, brutish, or uncivilized person; an uncaring jerk
• cornflakes – noun; a breakfast cereal of toasted flakes made from ground corn; a typical quick and easy Western breakfast
• agility – noun; ease and grace of movement; mentally acute; ability to think quickly
• hypocritical – adjective; assumption or postulation of moral standards, principles, etc., to which one’s own behaviour does not conform; “Do as I say, not as I do.”
• don’t give a rat’s ass – North American slang; not care in the least; don’t care at all
• inconveniences – pl. noun; lack of suitability to personal requirements or ease; unnecessary problems
• tailgating – trans. & intrans. verb; North American informal; follow (another vehicle) too closely; follow behind another vehicle too closely
• dude – noun; North American slang; a person fastidiously concerned with clothes, appearance, etc.; usually an insulting term for a guy
• dudette – female version of dude
• sarcasm – noun; the use of bitter or wounding, esp. ironic remarks; mocking someone in a mean way
• imperial measurement system – noun; (of non-metric weights and measures) used or formerly used by statute in the UK and other Commonwealth jurisdictions; e.g. pounds, gallons, and miles rather than kilograms, litres, and kilometres
• right-of-way – noun; the right of one vehicle to proceed before another; pedestrians before vehicles in a marked crosswalk (in this context)
• smartphone zombies – pl noun; not in the dictionary yet; people who are busy on their cell phones and not aware of anything around them
• pervasive – adjective; (of influences, etc.) become widespread among or in; they are everywhere, and everyone has one (in this context)
• dwell on – verb; spend time on, linger over; write, brood, or speak at length on; spend too much time on
• transgressions – pl noun; a violation of law, duty or command; actions against the law
• fangs – pl noun; sharply pointed canine teeth, e.g. of a dog or wolf; pointed teeth of a vampire (in this context)

Resources

• No Resources – Opinions, Observations, or Personal Experiences Only